Mama Fratelli and Francis help bust brother Jake out of prison. They drive off in their Off Road Vehicle (ORV) — bullets flying.
Andy and cheerleaders practise their victory pyramid. Mouth is helping his dad fix a sink. Stef is getting crabs out of a barrel. Data’s testing his belt-mounted sucker-winch. Chunk watches the Fratellis police chase.
Mikey Walsh and brother, Brand, agree they’ll miss their old house. Mouth says it’s their last weekend together. When Chunk appears, Mouth makes him do the humiliating, topless “truffle shuffle” to get in. Chunk’s known for his far-fetched stories, so they don’t believe his police chase story.
Data ziplines across to Mikey’s house. Mikey thinks his dad will find the money in time so they won’t have to move. Mrs Walsh arrives home with maid, Rosalita. Rosalita speaks only Spanish, so Mouth translates. He tells of drugs and sexual torture devices in the attic. If she does a bad job, she’ll be locked in with the cockroaches for two weeks without food and water.
Mouth suggests looking through things in the attic. Mikey finds an old painting. Inside it, there’s a map of the local coastline dated 1632. Mouth translates the Spanish. It tells of One-Eyed Willy, the most famous pirate of his time.
Mikey knows the story well. The pirate stole some treasure on his ship, the Inferno. An armada was sent to chase him. Willy fled into a cave, but the British destroyed the walls all around him, trapping him inside. For several years, Willy dug networks of tunnels and caves and laid boobytraps — to kill any snoopers. Somehow, the map and the story made it out.
Chunk finds a clipping of Chester Copperpot, who went missing looking for the treasure. Mikey says the treasure could pay all his Dad’s bills.
Mr Perkins and associate presents papers for Mr Walsh to sign. Mikey now really wants to find the treasure, but Brand promised to keep Mikey grounded. Thunder crashes as they look at the map.
The others tie up Brand with his chest expander. They let down the tyres on his bike and cycle off. When Mrs Walsh returns, she makes Brand get asthmatic Mikey back home. Brand makes chase on a small, girl’s bike.
The Goonies find their way to Gold Rock Beach. They spot rocks that match up with the map. Troy is driving Andy and Stef. He spots Brand on his undersized bike. He holds Brand’s hand firmly to the car while accelerating — sending Brand into a ravine.
Mikey holds up the doubloon from the attic. He matches the lighthouse, the rock and the restaurant. Alone, Chunk explores the porch fridge for a soda, soon finding a bullet-riddled ORV. He rejoins the others, where the threatening Mama Fratelli questions their being there. She assumes they must be customers, and so asks what they want to order. They want waters. Mouth facetiously requests elaborate Italian dishes. The woman grabs him and threatens to cut out his tongue. They each get their waters.
Downstairs, Mikey unfurls One-Eyed Willy’s treasure map. Then, he finds a disfigured man sitting with his hands chained — and Jake Fratelli throwing food at him. Mikey tells the others what he saw.
The Fratellis put a bag in their car and drive away. Then, Andy and Stef arrive. The Goonies break into the restaurant. They all move along the dark corridor towards the thing Mikey saw. They find the start of the tunnel. Data finds a money counterfeiting machine that prints $50 bills.
Chunk smells ice cream. While he’s gathering tubs of different flavours, they notice a corpse in the freezer behind him. Chunk sees it and starts screaming. The Fratellis return and the Goonies all go down through the fireplace. Soon, they notice Chunk’s missing.
Chunk escapes the freezer and goes to get help. He finds a road and stops a car. Sadly, it’s the Fratellis. They bundle Chunk into the car. He’s face-to-face with a corpse yet again.
If the Goonies bang on water pipes in the tunnel ceiling loudly enough, someone could rescue them. They do so, causing all sorts of havoc above ground. Then, the reverse water pressure bursts through a tunnel wall.
Mama Fratelli threatens to put Chunk’s arm in a blender. He immediately says his friends went through the fireplace, and mentions Mikey’s map. When Francis Fratelli says Chunk should tell them everything, Chunk exhaustively does so, starting back in 3rd Grade.
The subterranean Goonies find Chester Copperpot’s corpse. Data sets boobytraps behind them. Then, Mikey sets off another boobytrap and Brand dislocates a boulder allowing hundreds of aggressive bats to swarm out.
The group finds a big, underground waterfall, with gold and silver pieces everywhere. They’re beneath the Moss Garden wishing well. Stef says each coin represents somebody’s wish, but Mouth doesn’t care.
Jake puts Chunk in with Sloth, Jake’s disfigured brother. When Chunk drops the artefact that was in with Mikey’s map, the Fratellis recognise its value and now believe Chunk’s story.
Troy throws a coin into the wishing well, but the coin comes back out. Andy then yells that Troy should send down the bucket and rescue them.
Chunk is chained up in the dungeon next to Sloth. Chunk introduces himself, but Sloth just roars at him. Chunk jumps his chair around to escape. Sloth is amused and also jumps his chair. Chunk offers Sloth a candy bar. Sloth yells and his ears wiggle excitedly. Chunk accidentally throws the chocolate at Sloth’s head. Sloth dislodges the chains from the wall to reach the chocolate.
Using the ancient key, Mikey, Data and Mouth find matching stones in the wall and turn it anticlockwise. A spring mechanism traps Mikey’s hand. Soon, Data’s tumbling down a chute. He’s rescued in the nick of time by his Pinchers of Peril.
During a group comfort break, Andy calls out to Brand, who sends Mikey. In the darkness, Andy mistakenly kisses Mikey, sweeping him off his feet. Andy tells Stef to look out for a hole nearby.
Data, using his Slick Shoes, squirts oil onto the narrow bridge. They find an upright skeleton-organ surrounded by reeds — the Fratellis delayed by the oily bridge. The Goonies must play the bones accurately or they’ll be killed. Only Andy has taken piano lessons. The first chord is correct and a drawbridge lowers slightly. The next is wrong and some of the floor falls away. The next chord is also wrong, causing more floor to fall away. The following chord is correct and, again, the drawbridge lowers.
Data is attacked by the Fratellis and releases a boxing glove punch. When he runs up to the others, he jogs Andy and more floor falls away. The next chord’s played correctly and the drawbridge lowers fully.
The Goonies then jump into a water slide. They emerge in a large, underground lake — rejoicing. Then, they notice One-Eyed Willy’s ship, the Inferno.
On deck, Data falls through the floor. Mikey punches through a wooden panel in the ceiling. He finds One-Eyed Willy surrounded by jewels and introduces himself. Mikey says all the treasure’s fair game except for the coins on Willy’s scales.
The Fratellis order the Goonies at gunpoint to surrender all their jewels. When Andy walks the plank, Brand dives in to save her. Suddenly, Sloth yells “Hey, you guys!” and he appears, carrying Chunk on his back. Sloth slides down the sail using a knife. He swings over to save Mouth and Stef. He ties up Jake and Francis and suspends them above the ground. He turns to his mother, discovering she dropped him twice when young, and dumps her over the side. Then, she frees her sons and all of them plunder One-Eyed Willy’s gold coins, setting off one final boobytrap.
When its lit end sparks, Brand realises the candle is actually dynamite. It explodes and rocks start falling. Sloth uses his brute strength to lift a boulder obstacle so the Goonies can escape. The Inferno’s anchor raises and the cave opens.
The Goonies emerge onto a beach. Soon, the police, the Goonies’ parents and the press also arrive. Chunk’s parents have pizza. Andy requests piano lessons. Data’s dad says Data was his best invention. Mouth and Stef make amends. Andy tells Mikey he’s a great kisser and that he’ll outgrow his asthma before long. The Fratellis arrive next. The police go to arrest them, but Chunk suggests Sloth move in with him.
The developers arrive. Just as Mr Walsh signs the contract, Rosalita finds some jewels unnoticed earlier by the Fratellis. Now, the Goonies won’t be relocated. Mr Walsh tears up the contract. Then, while the press are trying to keep up with the Goonies’ recollection of adventurous tales — and the police still thinking Chunk is making things up — they notice One-Eyed Willy’s ship, the Inferno, sailing out from the cave.
Starring Sean Astin. Josh Brolin. Corey Feldman. Rated PG. Dir Richard Donner. Released in the UK 1985. Runtime 1hr 54mins.
